Microsoft Hiring of Chairman for MS Europe

Bill Gates organized an enormous session to recruit a new Chairman for microsoft Europe.

Exactly 5,000 candidates assembled in a large room. One candidate is MARIO DIMACULANGAN.

Bill Gates: Thank you for coming. Those who do not know JAVA may leave.
2,000 people leave the room.

MARIO says to himself, 'I do not know JAVA but I have nothing to lose if I stay. I'll give it a try'

Bill Gates: Candidates who never had experience in managing more than 100 people may leave.
2,000 people leave the room.

Mario says to himself ' I never managed anybody but myself, but I have nothing to lose if I stay.
What can happen to me?' So he stays.

Bill Gates: Candidates who do not have management diplomas may leave.
500 people leave the room.

Mario says to himself, 'I left high school at 15 but what have I got to lose?'
So he stays in the room.

Lastly, Bill Gates asked the candidates who do not speak Serbo - Croat to leave.
498 people leave the room.

Mario says to himself, ' I do not speak one word of Serbo - Croat but what do I have to lose?'
So he stays and finds himself with one other candidate. Everyone else has gone.

Bill Gates joined them and said 'Apparently you are the only two candidates who speak Serbo - Croat, so I'd now like to hear you have a
conversation together in that language.'

Calmly, Mario turns to the other candidate and says `Ano ba yan, dong?'

The other candidate answers 'Ewan ko, pare.'

VIP Toilet

ANG PAGHIHIGANTI.

ANG PAGHIHIGANTI.

Isang gabi, naglalakad ang isang lalaki sa may tulay nang may makita siyang babaeng nasa taas ng gilid nito at nagtatangkang magpakamatay.

"Huwag!" sigaw ng lalaki. At sa kabutihang palad ay nakumbinsi ang babae at siya'y bumaba.

Lalaki: Ano bang problema mo't naisipan mong gawin yan.
Babae: Kasi, iniwan ako ng boypren ko't sumama sa ibang babae.
Lalaki: Miss, ganyan din ang problema ko pero di ko inisip na magpakamatay.
Babae: So, anong gagawin natin?
Nag-isip sandali ang lalaki at sinabi...
Lalaki: Kung gusto mo, maghiganti tayo sa kanila.
Babae: Paanong paghihiganti?
Lalaki: Alam mo na ang ibig kong sabihin... (sabay kindat sa babae na nakuha naman ni babae ang ipinahiwatig na yon).
Maya maya'y nasa isang kuwarto na sila ng motel at nangyari na nga ang di dapat mangyari. Nang makaraos si lalaki, nagsindi siya ng yosi.
Nang halos filter na lang ay biglang nagsabi si babae ng "Maghiganti uli tayo".
Medyo pagod, pero pinagbigyan uli niya ang request ni babae.
Nang makaraos uli, nagsindi uli si lalaki ng yosi. Nasa kalahati pa lang ang yosi ng...
Babae: Maghiganti uli tayo.
Medyo nangangatog na ang mga tuhod pero dahil sa hiling, muling pinagbigyan niya si babae.
Muling nakaraos ang dalawa. Nagsindi uli si lalaki ng yosi. Unang hithit pa lang niya ay...
Babae: Ganti uli tayo.
Talagang lupaypay na si manoy pero para huwag mapahiya ay muling pinagbigyan niya ang kahilingan ng babae.
Pagkatapos kumuha siya ng yosi. Sisindihan pa lang nang biglang...

Babae: Ganti uli tayo.
Lalaki: 'TANGINA NAMAN! PATAWARIN NA NATIN SILA!!!!'

How to kill a chain smoker?

Nakatikim ka na neto? Only in the Philippines

Nagtitipid

Mr: kung marunong ka lang sanang maglaba, eh di nakakatipid sana tayo ng 2000 sa maid.
Mrs: hmmph!! kung ikaw magaling sa kama, eh di nakatipid tayo ng 7500 sa driver!

Can you Fly?

In a petshop...
customer (talking to a parrot): "Hoy! can you speak ha? can u speak? BOBO!'....
Parrot: Yes, I can! Ikaw? Can u fly, ha? Can u fly? GAGO!

Goats! ay ghost pala...

Prof: who among you experienced having sex with a ghost??
Juan raised his hand...
Prof: Really?? how does it feel to hav sex with a ghost?
Juan: Ay pucha! Akala ko goats!!

Nanonood lang naman ako ah...

Nasa bubong ang sakristan, namboboso sa pari at madre.....
Madre: pano pag nabuntis ako??
Pari: bahala na ang nasa itaas!
Sakristan: Tang ina, bakit ako? Nanonood lang naman ako!

Why o why?

Walang tawiran nakamamatay

Bawal tumawid nakakamatay. Pero pwede matulog at magpahinga sa isle. Libre na wala pang tax.

PINOY DIKSYONARYO

> Abuloy --- bayad sa nahigop na kape at nanguyang biskwit sa nilamayang
> sakla.
> Akala ---- alam na alam daw.
> Aginaldo - inaasahan na makukuha sa araw ng Pasko na mas okay sanakung
> pera
> na lang.
> Ama ------ pamilyadong gustong maging binata


> Bakasyon - sandaliang pahinga sa trabahong hingal lang ang pahinga.
> Bakit ---- tanong na laging mahirap masagot.
> Bakya ---- tsinelas na may takong.
> Baga ----- lutuan ng mga hindi makabili ng microwave.
> Bagoong -- masarap na ulam ng mga walang maiulam.
> Baldado -- hindi mamamatay-matay na mukhang hindi na mabubuhay.
> Bale ----- suweldong inutang.
> Binata --- lalaking gustong maging ama
> Biyenan -- anay ng tahanan


> Kaaway --- ikli ng 'kaibigan na Inayawan.'
> Kababata - dating gelpren na may ibang boypren.
> Kabag ---- dighay at utot na naghalo sa tiyan.
> Kabayo --- hayop na sinasakyan Ng kalesa.
> Kabit ---- asawang nakatira sa iba
> Kalbo ---- gupit ng buhok na korteng itlog.


> Dalaga ------ babaeng gustong maging ina.
> Dalaginding - dalagang hindi pa nagsusuot ng bra.


> Dighay --- Utot na lumabas sa bunganga.
> Dilim ---- liwanag na maitim.


> Ginang --- asawa ni ginoo na mukha nang tsimay.
> Ginoo ---- asawa ni ginang na may inaasawang iba.
> Gipit ---- kalagayan ng tao na suki na ng sanglaan.


> Ha ------- sagot ng nagbibingi-bingihan .
> Halakhak - tawang bukang-buka ang ngala-ngala.
> Handaan -- magdamagan na Palakihan ng tiyan.
> Handog --- bigay na laging may kapalit.
> Hipo ----- haplos na may malisya.
> Hudas ---- tapat na manloloko.


> Ibon ------ hayop na lumalangoy sa Hangin.
> Imposible - pagtaas ng unano.
> Ina ------- pamilyadang gustong maging dalaga.
> Insulto --- walang hiyang biro.
> Isda ------ hayop na hindi Nalulunod.
> Itlog ----- pagkaing amoy utot
> Ita ------- negrong Pinoy.


> La -------- ikli ng 'lalalalala' sa kinakantang hindi maalala.
> Lalawigan - syudad ng kahirapan.
> Langaw ---- kulisap na bangung-bango sa amoy ng basura.


> Ma -------- tawag sa gelpren na mukhang nanay na.
> Malusog --- hitsura ng tumatabang balat.
> Mama ------ tawag sa sosyal na ina.
> Mano ------ kaugaliang Pinoy na nakapupudpod ng noo.... at bulsa.
> Mantika --- katas ng piniritong taba.
> Mayabang -- abusadong tanga.
> Maybahay -- dominanteng utusan sa bahay.


> Nanay ---- Ilaw ng tahanan
> Nakaw ----- hiram ng walang paalam
> Naku ------ ikli ng 'nanay ko, nanay na ako.'
> Nitso ----- bahay ng mga patay.
> Nobya ----- gelpren na laking probinsya.
> Ngalngal -- iyak ng walang ipen.
> Ngisi ----- tawang tulo-laway.
> Ngiti ----- tawang labas ipen.


> Paa ------- bahagi ng katawan na amoy tuta.
> Paaralan -- dito itinuturo kung ano, alin o sino ang mapipiling bobo.
> Panata ---- dasal na nakatataba ng tuhod.


> Regla ----- masungit na panahon ng pagkababae.


> Sabon ----- mabangong bagay na ipinapahid sa mabahong katawan.
> Sakristan - utusan ng pari.
> Sampal ---- haplos na nakatitigas ng mukha.


> Ta -------- ikli ng 'tita' o lalaking may bra.
> Tamad ----- taong hindi napapagod sa pahinga.
> Tatay ----- haligi ng tahanan


> Utot-------- Dighay na lumabas sa puwit
> Ulol ------- sobrang matalino


> Wala ------- salitang tagalog na minana ng mga ingles.


> Yaya -------- alaga ng ama ng inaalagaang bata.


> THE FOLLOWING - MOST OF YOU HAVE ALREADY SEEN/READ BEFORE:

> Funny stuff only found in the good old Philippines. ..

> * Nakasulat sa pader:
> "MARUNONG KA BANG TUMAHOL? ASO LANG ANG UMIIHI DITO!"


> * along a highway in Pampanga:
> "WE MAKE MODERN ANTIQUE FURNITURE"


> * in a Baguio grocery:
> "FRESH FROZEN CHICKEN SOLD HERE"


> * in Cubao:
> "NONE ID NOTHING ENTRY"


> * on a parking lot:
> "TAXI AND OUTSIDE CAR NOT ALLOWED"


> * along Luneta Boulevard:
> "BAWAL TUMAE SA BULEVARD"


> * on Jeepney and Bus signs:
> "BEFORE PAY, TELL WHERE GET THE ON BEFORE GET THE OFF"


> * on a Flower shop in Rizal Avenue:
> "WE SELL ARTIFICIAL FRESH FLOWERS"


> * on a delivery truck:
> "NOT FOR HERE"


> * on window of a restaurant in Baguio:
> "WANTED: BOY WAITRESS"


> * A grafitti inside the cubicle of a ladies' C.R. in a university:
> "PLEASE DON'T SIT LIKE A FROG, SIT LIKE A QUEEN."


> * At a men's comfort room, above a urinal:
> "HAWAK MO ANG KINABUKASAN NG BAYAN"


> * at a construction site in Mandaluyong:
> "BAWAL OMEHI DITO. ANG MAHOLI BOG-BOG"


> * somewhere along San Andres:
> "NO URINATING, ON THE OVER WALLS"


> * vacant lot near Makati Ave.:
> "DON'T PARKING"


> * at an eatery in Cebu:
> "WE HAB SOPDRINK IN CAN AND IN BATOL!


> and this is the best of them all!!


> * on a building somewhere in the Philippines. ..
> "NOTARY PUBLIC TUMATANGGAP DIN NG LABADA KUNG LINGGO"

Inday

1) I believe that my trained skills and expertise in management with the use of standard tools, and my discipline and experience will contribute significantly to the value of the work that you want, my creativity, productivity and work-efficiency and the high quality of outcomes I can
offer will boost the work progress.

- sagot ni Inday sa interview ng bago niyang amo!

2) Compromising safety with useless aesthetics, the not-so-well engineered architectural design of our kitchen lavatory affected the boy's cranium with a slight boil at the left temple near the auditory organ.

- sagot ni Inday nang tanungin ng amo kung bakit may bukol si Junior.

3) The consistency was fine. But you see, it seems that the increased amount of sodium chloride (NaCl) affected the taste drastically and those actions are irreversible. I do apologize.

- nag-explain si Inday kung bakit maalat ang ulam.

4) Donya: Bakit tuwing paguwi ko, nadadatnan kitang nanunuod ng tv?!

Inday: Because I don't want you to see me doing absolutely nothing.

5) "It's absurd! It was never a fact that he will inflict a fight. I can only imagine how you handle schizophrenic kids on this educational institution. Revise your policies because they suck!"

- Inday, kasama si Junior sa principal's office.

6) Amo: Inday, bakit nagkalat ang basura sa likod ng bahay?!

Inday: A change in the weather patterns might have occurred wrecking havoc to the surroundings. The way the debris are scattered indicates that the gust of wind was going northeast causing damage to the path it was heading for.

Amo: (nosebleed)

7) Stop your raucous behavior. It is bound to result in property damages and if that happens there will be corresponding punishment to be inflicted upon you!

- si Inday, pinagbabawalan ang mga bata na maglikot.

8) Sometimes, people choose to leave not because of selfish reasons but because they just know that things will get worse if they'll stay. Leaving can be a tough act, and it's harder when people can't understand you for doing so.

- sagot ni Inday kung bakit umalis si Angel Locsin sa GMA 7.

My Philippines

The only place on earth where......

Every street has a basketball court.
Even doctors, lawyers and engineers are unemployed.
Doctors study to become nurses for employment abroad.
Students pay more money than they will earn afterwards.

School is considered the second home and the mall considered the third.
Call-center employees earn more money than teachers and nurses.
Everyone has his personal ghost story and superstition.

Mountains like Makiling and Banahaw are considered holy places.
Everything can be forged. All kinds of animals are edible.
Starbucks coffee is more expensive than gas.
Driving 4 kms can take as much as four hours.
Flyovers bring you from the freeway to the side streets.
Crossing the street involves running for your dear life.
The personal computer is mainly used for games and Friendster.
Where colonial mentality is dishonestly denied!
Where 4 a.m. is not even considered bedtime yet.
People can pay to defy the law.
Everything and everyone is spoofed.
Where even the poverty-stricken get to wear Ralph Lauren and Tommy Hilfiger (peke)!
The honking of car horns is a way of life.
Being called a bum is never offensive.
Floodwaters take up more than 90 percent of the streets during the rainy season.

Where everyone has a relative abroad who keeps them alive.
Where wearing your national colors make you baduy.
Where even the poverty-stricken have the latest cell phones. (GSM-galing sa magnanakaw)
Where insurance does not work.
Where water can only be classified as tap and dirty - clean water is for sale (35 pesos per gallon).
Where the government makes the people pray for miracles. (Amen to that!)
Where University of the Philippines is where all the weird people go.
Ateneo is where all the nerds go.
La Salle is where all the Chinese go.
College of Saint Benilde is where all the stupid Chinese go, and University of Asia and the Pacific is where all the irrelevantly rich people go.
Fast food is a diet meal.
Traffic signs are merely suggestions, not regulations.

Where being mugged is normal. It happens to everyone. Rodents are normal house pets.
The definition of traffic is the 'non-movement' of vehicles.
Where the fighter planes of the 1940s are used for military engagements and the new fighter planes are displayed in museums.
Where cigarettes and alcohol are a necessity, and where the lottery is a commodity.

Where soap operas tell the realities of life and where the news provides the drama. Where actors make the rules and where politicians provide the entertainment.
People can get away with stealing trillions of pesos, but not a thousand. Where being an hour late is still considered punctual.
(Grabe talaga 'to!) Where the squatters have more to complain (even if they do not pay their taxes) ---- than those employed and have their
tax automatically deducted from their salaries .and where everyone wants to
leave the country!

According to Manila businessman, Tonyboy Ongsiako, there is so much wit in the Philippines because '. . .
we are a country where a good sense of humor
is needed to survive. We have a 24-hour comedy show here called the government and a huge reserve of comedians made up mostly of politicians and bad actors.


Anonymous

Head Cleaner oh

Friend: How was the tape you borrowed from me, is it Ok?
Mr. Bean: What do you mean ok, I thought it's a horror film. I didn't see any picture.
Friend: What tape did you take anyway?
Mr. Bean: Head Cleaner.

Delicate Operation

MAN: Honey kung di ako makaligtas sa operasyong ito, ikaw na lang ang bahala sa mga bata!
WIFE: Tumigil ka nga riyan, kung kailan tatlo na ang anak natin saka ka magpapatule.

Your house is nice

M1:! Bad trip
M2: Pare, pag badtrip ako I go home and make wild! sex wit h my wife to relax. Try it.
M1: Took advise and return after 2 hours.
M2: How was it?
M1: GREAT! Your house is nice!

LET ME TRY!

A couple placed an ad:
"Have 4 sons, need advice on how to get a daughter."

Responded:
Yank: Keep trying!
Briton: Change doctor!
Aussie: Follow a special diet.
Indian: Practice Yoga!
Pinoy: LET ME TRY!

Not Me

Ano kadalasan ang sinasabi kapag nautot?
American: Excuse me.
British: Pardon me.
Pinoy: NOT ME!

Panty for sale

Intsik: Bili kayo panty. Pag sinuot ito, di kayo mabubuntis.
Babae: Bigyan mo ako 3.

3 months later, galit si babae:

Babae: Bakit ako nabuntis?
Intsik: Baka hinubad mo!

Corporate Lesson

Corporate lesson 1:
A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbour.

Before she says a word, Bob says, "I'll give you $800 to drop that towel"... After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob. After a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 dollars and leaves.

The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, "Who was that?" "It was Bob the next door neighbour," she replies. "Great!" the husband says, "did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?"

Moral of the story:

If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your
shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.


Corporate Lesson 2:

A priest offered a lift to a Nun. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing
her gown to reveal stretch of leg. The priest nearly had an accident. After
controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg.

The nun said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?" The priest removed his hand. But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again. The nun once again said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?"

The priest apologized "Sorry sister but the flesh is weak." Arriving at the convent, the nun went on her way. his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129. It said, "Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory."

Moral of the story:

If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity.


Corporate Lesson 3:

A Sales Rep, an Administration Clerk, and the Manager are walking to
lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out.

The Genie says, "I'll give each of you just one wish."

"Me first! Me first!" says the Admin. Clerk. "I want to be in the Bahamas , driving a speedboat, without a care in the world. Poof! She's gone.

"Me next! Me next!" says the Sales Rep. "I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life." Poof! He's gone.

"OK, you're up next," the Genie says to the Manager.

The Manager says, "I want those two back in the office after lunch."

Moral of the story:
Always let your boss have the first say.


Corporate Lesson 4 :

A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day. A rabbit asked
him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?"

The crow answered: "Sure, why not." So, the rabbit sat on the ground
below the crow, and rested. A fox jumped on the rabbit and ate it.

Moral of the story:

To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting
very high up.


Corporate Lesson 5:

A turkey was chatting with a bull. I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, but I haven't got the energy."

"Well, why don't you nibble on my droppings?" replied the bull. "They're
packed with nutrients."

The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it gave him enough
strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally after a fourth night, there he was proudly perched at the top of the tree.

Soon a farmer, who spotted him, shot the turkey out of the tree.

Moral of the story:

Bullshìt might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.
_________________

Letter from Itang and Inang

Dear Anak,

Naipadala ko na ang 50 thousand pesos na pang-tuition fee mo. Pinagbili na namin lahat ng mga kalabaw natin. Ang mahal pala ng kursong COUNTER STRIKE. Wala na din pala tayong baboy, naibenta na din para dun sa sinasabi mo na project nyo na NOKIA N90. Ang mahal naman ng project na iyun. Kasama din ang 7 thousand para dun sa field trip nyo sa MALL OF ASIA. Anak malayo ba yun? Pinakamalaking planta ba kamo yan sa Asya? Mag-iingat ka sa pagbibiyahe mo, magdala ka, anak, ng panyo at baka kung anong kemikal ang masinghot mo dyan. Sa susunod na buwan ay isasanla pala namin ng iyong itang ang palayan natin para mabili mo na yung instrumentong I-POD na kinakailangan mo sa laboratory nyo.

Kaysa patamnan ko pa kay Tio Felimon na hindi naman nagbabayad ng buwis, mabuti ng sa magandang kinabukasan mo mauwi ang ari-arian natin. Anak komportable ka ba diyan sa boarding house mo? Saan ba kamo yan? Sa VICTORIA COURT APARTMENT? Tahimik at malinis ba dyan? Hindi ba mainit dyan? Tama rin naman ang napili mong lugar, tahimik ng sa gayun ay makapag-aral ka ng mabuti.

Anak, kamusta na pala yung group project ninyo na SANMIG LIGHT? Napailaw nyo na ba? Mataas ba nakuha nyo na grado dun? Anak, sana bago pa maubos ang lahat-lahat ng ari-arian natin ay maka gradweyt ka na. Walong taon ba talaga ang kurso mo sa SECRETARIAL? Sana pag gradweyt mo, anak, ay makakuha ka ng trabaho kaagad kagaya ba ng manager ng kumpanya para mabawi natin ang mga ari-arian natin sa sanglaan. Ay, siya nga pala anak, di ba sabi mo sa JOLLIBEE/MAC DONALD ka palagi kumakain? Ok ba naman sayo ang mga ulam dyan? Baka hindi masarap kawawa ka naman. Palagi kang oorder ng mainit na sabaw, mainam sa katawan yon. Eh yung school bus nyo na TAXI sabihin mo sa driver mag ingat siya sa pag dri-drive.

Anak, hanggang dito na laang at sa susunod ay ipapadala ko sayo ang pera na pambili mo ng ALTIS na gagamitin mo sa VACANT SUBJECT mo.


Ang nagmamahal,

Itang at Inang

Thumbmark daw

BANK TELLER: Your ID is valid and acceptable, clear photo, kitang kita ang kulubot at mga linya sa mukha, walang retoke...
LADY CLIENT: Gaga! Thumbmark ko yan!

Taglish at its best

We' ve been friends for a long time ago. We come from the same alma mother. Actually, our paths crossed one time on another. But it's only now that I gave him a second look. I realized that beauty is in the eyes. The pulpbits of my heart went fast, really fast. Cute pala siya. And then, he came over with me. He said, "I hope you don't mine. Can I get your number?" Nag-worry ako. What if he doesn't give it back? He explained naman na it's so we could keep intact daw. Sabi ko, connect me if i'm wrong but are you asking me ouch? Nabigla siya. Sagot niya, The! Aba! Parang siya pa ang galit! Persona ingrata!!! Ang kapal niya! I cried buckles of tears.

Na-guilty yata siya. Sabi niya, isipin mo na lang na this is a blessing in the sky. Irregardless daw of his feelings, we'll go ouch na rin. Now, we're so in love. Mute and epidemic na ang past. Thanks God we swallowed our fried. Kasi, I'm 33 na and I'm running our time. After 2 weeks, he plopped the question. "Will you marriage me?" I'm in a state of shocked. Kasi mantakin mo, when it rains, it's four! This is true good to be true. So siyempre, I said yes. Love is a many splendor.

Pero nung inaayos ko na ang aming kasal, everything swell to pieces. Nag-di-dinner kami noon nang biglang sa harap ng aming table, may babaeng humirit ng, "Well, well, well. Look do we have here." What the fuss! The nerd ng babaeng yon! She said they were still on. So I told her, whatever is that, cut me some slacks! I didn't want this to get our hand kaya I had to sip it in the bud. She accused me of steeling her boyfriend. Ats if! I don't want to portrait the role of the other woman. Gosh, tell me to the marines! I told her, "please, mine you own business!" Who would believe her anyway?

Dahil it's not my problem anymore but her problem anymore, tumigil na rin siya ng panggugulo. Everything is coming up daisies. I'm so happy. Even my boyfriend said liketwice. He's so supportive. Sabi niya, "Look at is this way. She's our of our lives."

Kaya advise ko sa inyo - take the risk. You can never can tell. Just burn the bridge when you get there. Life is shorts. If you make a mistake, we'll just pray for the internal and external repose of your soul. I second emotion

CHAMPOY

GIRL: Mommy, bakit yung bird ng neighbor nating kalaro ko parang champoy..?
MOMMY: Hahaha! Bakit? maliit ba?
GIRL: Hindi Mommy.. Maalat kasi eh!

What is retirement?

"Retirement is when you are replaced by a computer at work and a vibrator at home.."

Advantage and Disadvantage

Advantage at disadvantage ng may-asawa...
ADVANTAGE: Pag kailangan mo, nandiyan agad.
DISADVANTAGE: Pag ayaw mo na, andiyan parin!

WHO'S GUILTY?

Wife dreaming in the middle of the night suddenly shouts, "Quick, my husband is back!"
Man gets up, jumps out the window and realizes, "Damn! I am the
husband!"